Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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