I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
that may or may not have been my penis.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
