So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
