I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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