You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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