my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
