It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
