i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
