So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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