How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
