apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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