he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
