I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
