My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
