we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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