So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
