I think I died a long time ago.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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