I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
