Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
