Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
