I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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