Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
