I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize