i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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