We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
