i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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