Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
