I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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