Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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