i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
