He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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