So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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