before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
