I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
