The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
