i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
