Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
