ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
