Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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