Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
