I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
