i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
