I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
