girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
