I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize