ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I cannot find my penis.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
