how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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