Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
