apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
