Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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