Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
