I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish I only lived at night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
