does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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