Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
