I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
they need to just BURY HIM!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
