I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
