Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pappa wants mamma naked
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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