it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
