I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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