It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
