Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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