There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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