I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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