The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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