just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
