I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
