There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
