either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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