i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this must be what syphilis tastes like
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
