You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize