I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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