so that wasnt chicken after all
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
