i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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