just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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