I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
