ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
