and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize