Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
