I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
