I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
