Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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