We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
