If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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