this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
