I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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