U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
