She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
