My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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