how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
