You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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