And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
