just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
