Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
