my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize