i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
