Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
