I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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