I must be too annoying 4 u.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
