Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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