Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
