saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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