o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
