it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
