And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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