3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
