apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
