Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
