haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
