a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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