just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
